Going Straight

by

Laurie Sefton and Charles Von Rospach

Originally published in Further Adventures of the Batman, Featuring the Penguin,

Bantam, 1992; edited by Martin Harry Greenberg)

"Wayne! I say there, Wayne is that you?"

Few voices had the power to make Bruce Wayne wince as much as Eldon Wettinghouse's. Or as Eldon would say, "The third, my dear man. Just call me Tripp." Bruce Wayne had just finished his Thursday tennis date with the Curator of the Gotham Museum of Modern Art, and was about to enjoy a well-earned long hot shower when Eldon's shrill whine cut through the steam like a well thrown dagger. Bruce Wayne let out an inaudible sigh, put on his best game face and answered, "Yes, Tripp. Did you need me right away for anything in particular, or can this wait?"

Wettinghouse ignored the question and walked into a shower with an enthusiasm that reminded Wayne why Tripp had been labeled "the boy blunder" by the Gotham Security Trust board of directors. He thrust a section of the Gotham Financial Times newspaper through the water at Wayne. On it was a two page advertisement with the headline "When your data needs to be safe from the best--why not the best? Nightbird Security Associates." Under the headline is a picture of the founder and president of Nightbird, The Penguin. Bruce Wayne's eyes narrowed--he knew that The Penguin had been released from Gotham State Penitentiary on a mix of technicalities and time served, but had never thought that he would reappear so quickly--and so prominently.

"Let's get out of the shower, Tripp. I'll buy you a drink and you can tell me all you know about this." Wayne turned to get his towel, and watched as Eldon Wettinghouse III marched out triumphantly in front of him, spattering everything within reach with ink and completely oblivious to his ruined Italian suit.

* * *

Bruce Wayne took a thoughtful sip of his usual tonic water on ice with a twist. "So, you say that the word on the street is that Nightbird is as good as they claim?" Tripp looked up from the lime slice he was trying to extract from his bottle of imported beer. "Oh, yes, they're definitely the firm to hire right now--or attempt to hire. They're exceptionally fussy about what businesses they will work for, and since there's such a cachet about having such a famous ex-criminal working for you, just about everyone is trying to contract them into their business." The lime finally pulled loose with a loud pop, spattering beer and lime juice onto the tablecloth. "If only I could convince them to work for me, then maybe I could show daddy and those stuffed shirts on the board something about how a bank really should be run!"

Bruce Wayne sat back in his chair and attempted to look thoughtful. "Tripp, I'm sure you'd definitely show them something if you hired in Nightbird. This is something I need to check out myself." He thought to himself "As Bruce Wayne, and The Batman."

* * *

On the outside, Nightbird Security Associates offices looked like any other start-up computer firm, housed in a generic tilt-up building in an interchangeable industrial park. The only distinctive note was the sign facing the street, a large, seven-color logo featuring a penguin behind a road-stop security gate. Even though it was mid-morning, there were only two cars in the parking lot; a small red subcompact of indeterminate origin, and a black and white, 1957 Thunderbird sedan.

Inside the building was even more perplexing. While the rows of cubicles showed signs of obvious occupation, they were all empty, except for a receptionist in the outer office and two figures at the back of the main room.

The Penguin, humming to himself, sat at the computer keyboard in the same fashion that a concert pianist might sit at his Steinway. He finished with an arpeggio of tapping, leaned back and stretched in his high-backed leather chair, looking exceptionally pleased with himself.

"Cualdicce? Cualdicce, where did you wander off to? I hired you as my bodyguard, and that makes the assumption that you'll be around my body to guard it!"

"I'm over here, boss. I just like lookin' at all the pretty stuff your guys have in their offices." Cualdicce answered from the door. He shuffled in and took his seat by the Penguin. Even with both sitting it was obvious that Cualdicce towered over his boss by at least nine inches, and outweighed the portly Penguin by 50 pounds.

The Penguin gave a contented sigh "Ah, Cualdicce, this is the life. People constantly asking for my services, being treated to the best restaurants in town, and best of all, making money hand over fist without ever having to enter a museum or attend one of those interminable charity balls." The Penguin swiveled himself so he was facing Cualdicce. "And the best of all Cualdicce? No guns! Why, I've never heard of someone being killed with a Macintosh--have you? Wak! Wak! Wak!" He stopped to wipe his face. "Yes, Cualdicce, the best thing that the boys at the Pen could have done was to decide all I needed was to be trained in a profitable trade. If I'd known computers were this profitable, I never would have taken up armed robbery!" He picked up an empty cigarette holder and pointed it towards Cualdicce. "Met most of my current employees there, you know." The Penguin grinned, swiveled back to the computer. "I can't believe how cheaply they work -- they have no idea how much a good industrial espionage agent goes for on the open market!" He turned his toward Cualdicce. "Yes, my boy, computer crime is a wide-open market, just waiting to be exploited."

"Boss?" Cualdicce interrupted The Penguin's reverie. "Where are they, anyway?" He peered out of the office window. "I don't never see them durin' the day." He walked over the door of the office. "How do you get any work done when the joint's always empty?"

"Why, Cualdicce, my best workers only come out at night. We're all owls you know. Night birds! Wak Wak Wak!!!" He laughed again.

The intercom buzzed.

"Wha--yes, Miss Shapard?" The Penguin asked, his jovial mood broken.

"There's a Mr. Bruce Wayne of Wayne Enterprises who wants to talk to you about a data security audit. Shall I patch him through?"

"Of course! To my office." The Penguin turned to Cualdicce. "You stay out of trouble, and leave the receptionist alone. I have business to discuss, and I don't need any distractions." He stood up and walked toward a door at the back of the room. "Ah yes--the business of America is business!" Entering the office, he sucked on his empty cigarette holder. "Damn kids made me quit smoking...." He took a deep breath, picked up the phone, and said "And how are you today, Mr. Wayne?"

* * *

"... and so you see, Mr. Wayne, this how Nightbird Security Associates does the business of computer security." The Penguin paused. "Do you have any questions?"

The heads of the board of directors of Wayne Enterprises turned as one to Bruce Wayne. He coughed slightly and spoke in a low tone, "Why yes, I do, um, how do I address you?"

The Penguin smiled, "Penguin is fine. Mr. Penguin if you care to be formal -- but I hope we're all friends here."

Bruce Wayne narrowed his eyes. " Well then, Mr. Penguin, how is it that a convicted criminal can enter into the security business and be taken seriously? I can't see how you would have the ability to pursue such a career, and I don't know why we should trust you even if you can do the job. Considering your history, it seems rather risky."

The smile fell from the Penguin's face. He harrumphed. "I'll have you know, Mr. Wayne, that I am a free man by the laws of this fair state. I've served my time, and better yet, I've learned a new and much more lucrative occupation than a mere thief." He smiled again, caught his breath and spread his arms out wide, as if to take in all the executives. "As for what I do and don't know--I learned enough about computers to know that I'm good at the work. But I also know that I can't do everything. So I hired the best talent available to me. My crew is thoroughly versed in corporate security, and I'll hold them against any group of people working in the industry. Either side of the industry, for that matter."

A voice from the back queried, "And whom might they be, Mr. Penguin, if you don't mind us asking?"

The Penguin smiled, reached into his briefcase, and handed out packets to the group. "I was hoping you would ask that question. How many of these names do you recognize?"

A board member sputtered, "I don't know all these names, but some of these boys are the most notorious systems crackers known!"

The Penguin walked over to the man and patted him on his shoulder. "Former systems crackers, if you please. Including four former members of the Legion of Death, all now rehabilitated and looking for honest work. There's no better group of people for knowing what it takes to keep people like they used to be out of your systems. Just like me they've seen the light and decided to take the straight road in life. Rehabilitated by the State Corrections Department and given a chance to stay straight by coming to work for me. Why I've plucked these fragile blossoms from the onerous dirt of crime and made them bloom in a garden or righteousness. Why I've taken these tender young souls..."

Bruce Wayne interrupted, "Thank you, Mr. Penguin, I think we know what you're driving at." He turned to the other board members. "Gentlemen, I think we can decide on this contract by the next board meeting." He addressed the Penguin, "Mr. Penguin, that was an excellent presentation, and I was very impressed by how you handled the, ahem, cross-examination. We should be getting back to you by the end of the month." He stood up. "I think this board meeting is finished. Thank you for attending and I'll see you at this time next month." Bruce Wayne walked over to the Penguin "Thank you again. I'll have my secretary show you the way out."

The board of directors of Wayne Enterprises and a slightly flustered Penguin left the corporate boardroom.

Bruce Wayne sat down. It still didn't feel right. It was time to do further digging--as the Batman.

* * *

The lock on the roof hatch took fifteen seconds to pick. Working quickly and quietly, The Batman lifted the hatch and slipped down into Nightbird's building. Down on the ground, The Batman found himself in a small storage closet. He opened the door slightly and looked out over the main office. It was still early in the evening -- only about 10PM -- and there were only three cubicles occupied. All three were young men -- no more than 20 -- and they were typing away at their computers while arguing about food. They finally decided on a Chinese place they knew stayed open late. One of them called in an order and then two of them headed out the front door.

The Batman stepped out of the closet and walked up to the lone programmer, a tall, gangly youth of about 22.

The young man looked up. "Oh, Hi, Batman. I was wondering when you'd show. You use the roof hatch? Or did you jimmy the back door?"

The Batman stared at him. "The Penguin was expecting me?"

The young man swiveled in his chair to face him. "I don't know about Penguin. I was, though. Think about it: The Penguin a former super-criminal, hiring a bunch of ex-crooks to do computer security for banks and big companies. Gotta be a setup, right? so you're here to find the evidence that'll prove it's all a sham. Must have been the roof hatch -- no need to bypass the alarm and you wouldn't be seen if someone drove by. Right?"

The Batman looked shaken. "It was the roof hatch. So what is the scam here?"

The young man took another gulp from his can of soda, swallowed, and paused. "No scam, Batman. We are legit. They caught me three days after I turned 18. Back then I was 'Jesse James' of the Legion of Death. Eighteen months with murderers and child molesters is enough. I'm happy being Jim Danehy now, making an honest wage and trying to convince people that Jesse is really dead. I'd still be in the pen if it wasn't for Cardinal McGowan. He and the folks at the Archdiocese leaned on the DA to get me out of hard time and into a halfway house. Along came Penguin, and now I'm here. I'm not going back. I checked out this place very carefully first, too, because being charged as an accessory would kill my parole. If the Penguin's crooked, I've never been able to find anything, and I've looked hard."

Danehy chuckled. "Besides, it's even more fun keeping people out than breaking in. There's always a new challenge, and you're never short on work. Everyone has secrets they want to keep. Even, say, Bruce Wayne."

The Batman's eyes narrowed. "What are you implying, Danehy?"

A slight smirk crossed Danehy's face. "I'm not implying anything. About a year before they caught me I hacked the Wayne Enterprises computers. You use one whale of a tough encryption algorithm on your private files, Mr. Wayne. But it's not quite tough enough. Something like that should be stored in a floppy in a safe. Otherwise, if someone wants it bad enough, they can get it. They will, too."

The Batman's face turned to pale granite. "Nobody would believe you, you know."

Danehy peered over his glasses. "Maybe yes, maybe no. Either way, the publicity would be pretty bad for you. Don't worry, though. I haven't told anyone, and I don't plan to, as long as I get left alone to do my work. Like I said -- I'm straight, and all I ask for is a chance to prove that. The Penguin's given me a shot, and you're not going to screw it up. Okay?"

The Batman didn't like to compromise, but at this point, he thought, what other choice did he have? "Okay, Danehy. If the Penguin really is straight, nobody has a thing to worry about. But if he's not --"

Danehy shot back, "If he's not, Batman, and I find out, you'll be the first to know. Now you better get out of here before they get back with lunch or it might create some problems. Besides, we only bought enough for three."

* * *

The Penguin closed the door of Nightbird and crossed the outer lobby. Outside, the city of Gotham slept. Inside Nightbird, the main working area was a chaos of movement and noise. A dozen cubes were filled with people, each staring raptly into computer screens. The Penguin covered his ears. As usual there were half a dozen different CD players blaring from various cubes, clashing with each other for dominance of the building.

The Penguin looked around. "Peter! David! Project status meeting in my office, now!" Two of the young men looked up and nodded. The Penguin walked through the main room and entered his private office, followed by the two programmers. The door shut behind them, dulling the cacophony to a dull, almost tolerable roar.

"Haven't you folks ever heard of headphones? How can you concentrate with all that blaring? For a second I thought I heard Elvis singing 'Stairway to Heaven", for Pete's sake!"

"Sorry, Penguin. Headphones give us headaches. We just turn it up loud enough to drown out the other boom boxes. You get used to it."

"Gads. I need to soundproof this office, then. Anyway, how are things going over at the Archdiocese?"

Peter tossed a sheaf of papers onto the Penguin's desk. "We're pretty close. I've got the security subsystem up and being tested, and have the software installed on Gotham First Bank's computers that will allow us to validate the direct link we're setting up for the electronic fund transfers. Once I get everything working and signed off by their programmers, all we'll need to do is install the subroutines we'll use to spoof the security systems and we can grab the money any time we want."

"Any suspicions?"

"Nope. They're real happy with the work we're doing. Going without a hitch. The bank's auditors have signed off on the algorithms and the code we gave them, so they feel that they're covered."

"Wak, wak, wak! Good! David, how are things going at Mutual Life?"

David sighed. "Not so good. The auditors are bird dogging every step we take. I'm a couple of weeks behind schedule. It's going to be tough to sneak the overrides into the system without them noticing. They're good." He shifted in his chair. "I'm better, but it's no cakewalk. I may need an extra month."

"Okay, better safe and slow than back in the Pen. We can wait. You know best. If necessary, we can even make Life one of the straight jobs and dump it. If things work out like I hope, we won't need it, anyway. We have a possible new client I want you two to start thinking about. Wayne Enterprises. Now get back to work and send Jim in."

The two hackers got up and opened the door.

"Jim! Front and center! The Bird-Man wants you!" He turned to David. "Can I borrow your loophole code to use on the Life project? No sense re-inventing the wheel."

"Sure, Peter. I'll drop it into your directory in a bit. Now shut up. We're not supposed to discuss that stuff in the public rooms, remember?"

Jim stepped past them into the Penguins office and turned to close the door. Just as the door closed he heard Peter say "As soon as we finish with the Church and with Wayne, it won't matter who hears us, because we'll be sitting pretty. You worry too much, dope. We're..."

The door clicked. Jim turned to the Penguin. "You're working with the Archdiocese? I didn't know. Can I join the project? I owe them for helping set me straight."

The Penguin chuckled. "No, Jim. We need you where you are. Besides, it's a job that requires the special skills that Peter and David have. Tell you what, though. When we go to work on Wayne Enterprises, we'll see about giving you a part of the project, okay?"

"Work on Wayne Enterprises? Don't you mean for Wayne Enterprises?"

"Wak, wak, wak. Yes, yes, that's what I meant. Now how are your projects going?"

As Danehy pulled out his project report, he thought to himself "The Penguin is crooked. I need to get this information to Batman. Somehow."

* * *

"I'm glad you decided to go with us, Mr. Wayne. I hadn't expected such a quick acceptance."

Bruce Wayne switched the phone to his other hand and picked up a pen. "I hope it's not an inconvenience, Mr. Penguin. After thinking about it for an evening, I called a special board meeting via conference call to get the contract approved quickly. The sooner the Wayne computers are safe, the happier I'll be."

"Well, my team is now on-site and have the initial project plans started. They're meeting with your computer people now. We should have a set of proposed changes and a schedule by the end of the week."

"That will be fine, Mr. Penguin. If you need anything or anything comes up, just call." Wayne hung up the phone and turned to the computer standing behind his desk. He used the microcomputer to log on to the corporate mainframe, which told him he had electronic mail waiting.

Bringing up the mail program, Wayne found a cryptic note with an attached data file. The note said only "Get this to Batman. He'll know what to do. Jesse." Wayne downloaded the file to his micro. He tried the password "Nightbird", and the file unlocked on the first try.

After looking at it, Wayne whistled. Inside was the plan for raiding the diocese, as well as four previous electronic heists all laid out in great detail. He copied the decrypted files to a floppy and stuck it in his pocket, then stood up and walked to the office door.

"Anna, please cancel my meetings for the rest of the day. I have to leave the office. You won't be able to contact me until this evening, but if anything comes up, leave a message with Alfred." He started to leave, then returned to the desk, where he carefully deleted the mail message and the copies of the files off of his microcomputer.

* * *

The access alert appeared on Peter's computer screen. Peter poked his head over the side of the cubicle and bellowed over the sound of his radio. "Hey, David! Wayne's logged onto the system."

David glared back. "You know the routine, pinhead. Monitor what he does, and if anything interesting happens, grab a copy."

Peter sat down, turned down his radio, and stared at the screen. "All he's doing is reading mail. Probably fan mail from some flounder."

David turned back to his worked and with a disgusted tone, answered, "Just watch and shut up. I'm trying to get this project plan done."

There was silence for a few minutes, occasionally punctuated by the clatter of fingers on a keyboard. Suddenly Peter stood up, knocking the chair out from under him. "David, we're in deep bird-doo. Jesse James sent Wayne an encrypted file. A file he wants sent to Batman."

David slammed his soda can. "No! I knew we shouldn't have hired him. He was too serious about going straight. If he's squealed on us, I'll wring his scrawny neck myself!"

Peter continued to type furiously. "We don't know what he's done yet, until I decrypt those files. Maybe he's running his own scam on the side. He did ask to be put on the Wayne project with us, you know."

David walked over to where Peter was sitting, and peered at the screen. "He don't squeal on us and he don't run any scam the Penguin doesn't agree to. Either way, he's in trouble, so you better get that file unlocked and find out. Then we go tell Penguin what we found and take care of the problem."

* * *

"Yes, Commissioner, The Penguin is planning to strip clean the bank accounts of the Archdiocese of Gotham and send the money to a Swiss bank account via electronic transfer. He's also pulled a number of other heists that have either not been noticed or not reported yet." Wayne listened for a second. "Yes, I have evidence. One of the people working for him legitimately stumbled onto it and passed it along to me. Don't move in until you hear from me, though. I want to visit Nightbird tonight and see what I can find."

There was a knock at the door. "Hold on a second, Commissioner. Come in!"

The door opened and Alfred walked in. "What is it, Alfred?"

"Excuse the interruption, Mr. Wayne, but you got an urgent call from Wayne Enterprises. The man you had watching the Penguin people wanted you to know that they left the premises very suddenly. They were in a hurry and looked quite agitated."

"Thanks, Alfred." He put the phone back to his ear. "Commissioner, you still there? Forget what I said. I think the Penguin has figured out his cover is blown. You need to get a search warrant and get to Nightbird as quickly as you can, before Penguin can destroy the evidence. I'll fax you what I have, and then meet you there. You better hurry."

Wayne hung up the phone, picked it up and dialed another number. "Danehy? It's me. Get out. Your cover is blown. If they catch you, you might get hurt. I'm on my way, but don't wait."

* * *

Danehy hung up the phone and looked around the empty office. Wayne Enterprises was at least 45 minutes away, he thought. There's still time to stop the Penguin and get away if I hurry.

Turning to his computer, he began his work. Since finding out about the Diocese caper, he'd been busy -- busy booby trapping the Penguin's booby traps. He typed away furiously for a few minutes, and finally stood up. He grabbed his jacket and sprinted for the front lobby, but he was barely halfway across the room when the Penguin, Peter and David ran into the room. They grabbed Danehy and quickly subdued him, tying him to a chair with extension cords.

"We'll deal with him later," shouted the Penguin. "Get into the Diocese system and get the money flowing. Now. If the Batman has that datafile, he and Gordon will be hightailing it over here, and we want the money and us to be missing when they get here."

David sat down at the terminal and typed. The screen went dark, and from the speaker of the computer a voice said "I can't do that, Dave." David stared at the machine, then started to type again. The lights in the building extinguished, and a giggling sound came from the computer

The Penguin turned to Danehy. "What have you done!". The Penguin was livid; his voice somewhere between a scream and a gurgle.

"I've cracked your system, Penguin. Booby trapped your booby traps. I couldn't let you hack the Diocese. They believed in me."

The Penguin's face turned purple with rage. "You idiot! You tell me how to fix my system or I'll kill you here and now!"

"Give it up, Penguin! It's over!" The front doors burst open, as The Batman shouted, "You've lost, Penguin. Again. Don't make it worse than it already is. Stealing from the Church, you scoundrel." In the distance the sound of sirens were heard, rapidly getting louder.

The Penguin suddenly turned to Danehy. Enraged, he picked up the computer from the desk and smashed it down on Danehy's head.

"It was such a good hack! How could you!" he screamed. The chair collapsed under Danehy, who sprawled to the floor. The Penguin leaned up against the desk, all fight gone from him. "Such a good hack", he muttered.

The Batman rushed over and knelt down next to Danehy. He gingerly lifted the computer off of Danehy. He smiled at the Batman. "My hack was better." and went limp.

The Batman's eyes turned to ice. "Penguin, that's murder one. You're not getting out of this one."

The Penguin looked again at the body. He muttered over and over, "It really was a good hack, Batman. He shouldn't have screwed it up."

"You seem to have it under control, as usual, Batman." It was Commissioner Gordon, backed up by a dozen of the Gothan SWAT team. He sees Danehy's body, and gasps. "We need an ambulance!"

"Not an ambulance, Commissioner. A coroner. I was a little too late on this one." Batman stood up. Thanks to him, the Diocese -- the only people who believed in him -- are safe." And so, the Batman thought to himself, is my identity. But at what price?

The commissioner sighed. "I'll talk to the Cardinal, Batman. Perhaps there is something we can do for his family." He turned to the Penguin. "So once again you learn that crime doesn't pay, Penguin. How many times must we teach you this lesson? How many innocent lives must we sacrifice to your nefarious deeds?"

The Penguin stared out into space. "It was such a good hack. He screwed it up!" A single tear rolled down his cheek, falling to the floor where Danehy lay.

The Commissioner made a disgusted look. "Take them away!"

Policemen grabbed the Penguin and his two hackers. David typed one final phrase into his computer and turned away. The computer laughed softly, then said "You'll never get away with it, Penguin. Bad guys never win."

The Batman and Commissioner Gordon stared at the computer for a long time, then finally walked outside to the Batmobile. The Batman turned to the Commissioner. "At what price, Jim?

The Batman got in the Batmobile and slowly drove away.